This One's For You, Cory

I've found my way back to the blog today because my urge to write is intense. I hope all of my loyal readers (all two of you), and any others who may be checking out this entry will forgive me as I take a little detour from the normal purpose of this little space on the internet.

Some of you know that I spend my days behind a desk working as a Junior Publicist. It's a far cry from the Social Work degree I went to school for, but I really do love my job. It combines two of my favorite things: writing and working with people. It's also allowed me a number of opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I'd made the decision to pursue a Social Work job right out of school. I'll get there eventually, but I want to see where this journey takes me first. If there's one thing this career has taught me it's this:

The entertainment world is a brutal place. Don't get me wrong, I've met some truly amazing people along the way but this field is not for the faint of heart. Even when your day is long (this job doesn't end at 5:00pm, y'all), you have to plaster a smile on and move forward. It can be hard sometimes but usually the successes outweigh the negatives. When they don't, I treat myself to chocolate and hope that the next day is better. But let me in on a little secret I learned this weekend. After nearly two years in the business, I can tell you one thing:

When the entertainment world comes together it's a beautiful thing. 

One of the things I've always struggled with as an industry professional is walking that fine line between publicist and fan. When I'm working I try to exude the utmost professionalism. I answer my emails promptly, I address people as sir and ma'am in phone conversations (an ode to my time in the South where I learned that's just the polite thing to do). I treat people the way I would want to be treated.  In short, I do my best to create relationships so it will benefit the clients I work with. But when I'm not working, I do enjoy the same TV shows and pop culture trends that America finds cool these days. One of those shows is Glee. 

Admittedly, I haven't watched a full season since Season 2 or so, but I vividly remember trying my best to tune in every week when I was in Grad School. It was my form of self-care. I loved the show, I loved that the writers were pushing the envelope with a character in a wheelchair.  I loved the character of Finn Hudson, who as most of you know, is played by Cory Monteith. I can't bring myself to write that sentence in the past tense yet. 

When news of Cory's death broke on Saturday night, it was 1:00 am and I was trying my best to fall asleep after a long day relaxing in the sun. I was tweeting some friends when messages started to come across my feed of a "death rumor involving a Hollywood actor"that many people thought was Cory Monteith. If you follow Hollywood at all, you know that someone starts a death rumor for an actor at least once a month via the internet and it's usually proven a hoax soon after. I waited for the press conference like the rest of the world that was up at that hour following the story. 

And when they announced that Cory really had passed away, I did something that most people in my line of work try never to do. I cried. 

Because long before I was a publicist, I was a Glee fan. 

While I never had the pleasure of working with or meeting him, I found myself saddened for him, for his family, for his cast mates, and for his representatives who now faced the nearly impossible task of answering inquires and issuing statements in a time when I'm sure they were also grieving the loss of a client and friend. 

The next morning, and even today, I found myself still deeply affected and wondering why. I usually try to steel myself to these type of events, if only because it is a necessity in my line of work...but this time was different.   Was it because has was close to my age or simply because I was a fan? I wasn't sure but I did know that I didn't want to feel this way. Then I started reading some tweets of some editors I know and I sensed a common theme. 

They were hurting too and that was okay. One of them summed it up by simply saying "it's okay to be sad about whatever you feel sad about."

I've been asked why I think this affected me so much, especially since I was no longer an avid viewer,  and I'm not sure I'll ever have a true answer for that. I considered it an accomplishment that I could make it through part of the Glee Concert DVD last night without tearing up. As a Social Work major, I am well aware that there are much bigger things going on in this world that trump the death of an actor. I get that. On that same token, I also understand that it is important to grieve for things or people that mean something to you. If anything it has shown me that I have managed to accomplish my goal of not being jaded by Hollywood. That's what I've learned this weekend: the entertainment world and the fans are grieving for a man some of us knew and others only had the pleasure of meeting through their TV screens...and that's ok. 

So, in closing, this one's for you Cory. I hope you have found peace. 

Brutal Honesty is My Policy

In my initial post on this blog, I said that I wanted to inspire people living with disabilities while at the same time keeping it real and not sugar-coating my feelings. This will be a non-sugar-coated post served with a side of sarcasm.

Sometimes, no matter how you slice it, having a disability sucks. Most times I try to maintain a positive attitude because I realize that I could be much more severely affected than I am, but there are other times when I want to drive my powerchair off a cliff and do a victory dance as I stand above and watch it fall. I almost accomplished this goal once when I accidentally drove it off a curb in pitch blackness one night during college, but that's a story for another post;). The thing that bothers me the most is always having to plan whenever I want to do something. Even a simple trip out to lunch with a friend requires planning and advance notice. My move to California will require much more planning and logistics for this very reason, and even though I feel more prepared for that than anything because I did so much research when I was deciding between USC and Georgia, it is still a daunting task. I realize though that I have to do it, not only for myself but for the people who don't believe I can. I know I shouldn't even give these people a second thought, but proving them wrong would give me such satisfaction.

I've encountered various attitudes toward disability throughout my life. Some people choose to look past it, while others simply choose to look past me and my talents because I live life from the comfort of a wheelchair. The attitude I have seen during my time in graduate school has been, quite simply, toxic. The students and my friends and professors have been phenomenal in making me feel welcome and wanted, The South in general though is just behind the times when it comes to disability awareness. The most glaring example of this came when a prominent organization told my school that they didn't want to take me on as an intern because of my mobility impairment. I went from devastated to livid in about 2.5 nanoseconds. It felt like I had been slapped in the face, especially considering that I had done the same type of work in a previous internship with glowing marks. That was the first time I realized that equality doesn't always exist. I often get the feeling that people expect me to play the victim because I was dealt a different hand in life and, though the tone of this post may speak to the contrary, that is something I refuse to do. As I often like to say "my brain works, my legs don't" and that will NOT stop me from living my dream.

Sometimes, coping is hard. There are less than a handful of people that really know my true struggles and insecurities. I can call them or tweet them and say ''I'm hurting today'' and they are there for me without hesitation. As weird as this is to say. and I may get judged for it, but a large majority of my friends are people I've met online. In some ways it's easier because I control when and what I disclose about my disability. And for the most part people are not judgemental. Yes I am aware that it may not be healthy to rely on online friends but I do what I need to do to cope. And in truth, these are the friends who have really stepped up and helped me through my struggles of the past year...and for them I am eternally grateful.

Welcome to the Madness

Most of you reading this, i.e. the people who are not my friends and didn't find this on my various social networking pages, are probably wondering who the crazy person is that think she's cool enough to have a blog. By way of introduction, my name is Mel but I'll also answer to Lanie and pretty much anything else that isn't insulting. I'm a rising second year grad student and my passion is helping people, particularly children. It is my goal upon graduation to work in a Pediatric Oncology unit as a Social Worker. I could spend a whole blog post explaining why I feel compelled to go into this field, and I may tell the story at some point, but suffice it to say that I believe it was fate.

Others of you reading this may be curious about the blog title. If you haven't clicked over to my About Me section, let me explain. I was born with Cerebral Palsy, a condition that affects my fine motor skills and ability to walk. For that reason, and perhaps due to some laziness on my part;), I cruise around in a pretty awesome power wheelchair. She's pink and she's been instrumental in helping me gain my independence. I hope to use this blog and writing about my everyday life to inspire people living with CP and other disabilities. This blog will will also be an outlet for me so I'm not promising sunshine and flowers all the time, but I am promising to keep it real.

Another big purpose of starting this blog is to chronicle my journey as I work to accomplish one of my longest-standing dreams. For as long as I can remember, I've dreamt of living in California. Now would be the time for people to start rolling their eyes and asking "why do you want to live there?" These are usually the responses I get from those I tell. I suppose a lot of it might have to do with the fact that I was raised in the Midwest where California was always considered the weird place no one should go. I don't know what it is, the beach, the ocean, or the very idea of escaping that Midwestern mindset, but something about the Golden State appeals to me. Thus, I have made the decision to relocate there as soon as I'm finished with school next May. I'm a dreamer by nature and that seems like the perfect time to follow a dream. So I hope you'll follow me as I work to make that dream come true...all from the comfort of my Pink Hot Wheels.